1. Because she loves me
2. Because she doesn’t care that I hate myself
3. Because she doesn’t care that I feel like I deserve for everyone to hate me
4. Because she believes I am a better man than I am
5. Because she believes that the stupid things I do aren’t my fault
6. Because nothing in the world could make her stop loving me
7. Because she thinks I’m hot – even with all my scars
8. Because she doesn’t even see my scars
9. Because no matter how much I hate myself she will never hate me
10. Because she is always thinking about things that will make me happy
11. Because she is always thinking about things that will make my life easier
12. Because her just existing makes my existence easier
13. Because her loving me makes my existence even easier
14. Because she is the most excitable creature in the world – and it’s so cute when she’s excited
15. Because she has the most genuine emotions I have ever felt from anyone
16. Because she stands up for me even when she shouldn’t
17. Because every now and again she convinces me for a split second that I deserve love
18. Because every now and again she convinces me for a split second that I’m not a total fuck up
19. Because she loves me even more – somehow – when I deserve it the least
20. Because she keeps me grounded
21. Because she makes it so much easier to not kill people
22. Because she’s stopped me on more than one occasion from killing people
23. Because she gives me a reason to exist
24. Because she makes every single day the best day I have ever had
25. Because she makes me smile when no one else can
26. Because she believes in me
27. Because she truly believes that one day I won’t be as weak about humans as I am now
28. Because she makes me feel safe
29. Because she is the only person I could ever let witness one of my flashbacks – and she never gets scared or worried… she just loves me
30. Because she always says the right thing
31. Because she always does the right thing
32. Because she always knows what to do to calm me down
33. Because she let me drag her to all the major civil war battle fields and listened to me ramble on about the people I knew who died there and never once had one negative emotion about it
34. Because although I claim I hate it she lets me go shopping with her and hold her purse while she tries on clothes – because I love to see my Alice happy
35. Because she never makes me feel bad for feeling possessive of her
36. Because it actually turns her on when I growl that she is mine in her ear
37. Because she said yes
38. Because she really did marry me
39. Because she never has to tell me how much she loves me - she wears that emotion on her sleeve
40. Because she seems to love me more everyday
41. Because she loves me more even on the days I do something stupid
42. Because there is nothing that makes me happier than to see her face
43. Because there is nothing more beautiful than her face
44. Because there is nothing as beautiful as her eyes
45. Because there is nothing more beautiful than her smile
46. Because there is nothing more beautiful than her hands
47. Because there is nothing more beautiful Alice
48. Because she isn’t afraid of me – ever
49. Because she was never afraid to touch me
50. Because she touches me every chance she gets
51. Because she seems to understand my need to be touched to feel her love more
52. Because her hands are so damned soft
53. Because she never tries to control me
54. Because she only tries to control me in bed – sometimes
55. Because she never tries to change me
56. Because she takes care of buying all my clothes so I can spend my mental energies on other – more interesting – things
57. Because she brought us to the Cullen’s
58. Because she gives the best hugs
59. Because she never tries to fix me
60. Because when I’ve been a “good boy” she grabs my butt when she hugs me
61. Because she knows how much I just want to be the man she deserves
62. Because she believes I am the kind of man she deserves
63. Because she knows how much I just want to be the world’s best husband to her
64. Because she lets me dance with her in our bedroom whenever I want
65. Because if I’ve been a “good boy” that dancing leads to other fun things
66. Because according to her I am almost ALWAYS a “good boy”
67. Because if I’m having a hard time at school she skips class with me and tells me what I good boy I’ve been
68. Because if I’m having a hard time at school she skips class with me and “rewards” me for being a good boy
69. Because it’s really cute when she says, “You’ve been such a good boy”
70. Because when she says I’ve been a good boy she plays with my hair – and it feels good
71. Because no matter what she is doing she puts me before herself
72. Because she just wants me to be happy
73. Because she lets me love her any time I want
74. Because she lets me touch her any time I want
75. Because she never tells me I can’t touch her
76. Because on our Anniversary every year she sneaks us out of the house and I get to spend the whole day away from humans and anyone who isn’t her
77. Because she acts surprised when I give her presents
78. Because I can tell her anything
79. Because she doesn’t get upset when I tell her things that are ugly
80. Because she never gets upset when I do things that are ugly
81. Because when she touches my face it still makes my toes curl
82. Because when she smiles at me it feels like the first time I ever saw her
83. Because she understands my need to be in pain sometimes
84. Because she understands that I just need to be mad at myself sometimes
85. Because she likes when I act like a southern gentleman
86. Because she lets me open doors for her
87. Because she lets me pull chairs out for her
88. Because she doesn’t care when I do old fashioned things for her
89. Because she thinks it’s cute when I act old fashioned
90. Because she laughs when I say “I feel old? Do I look old to you?”
91. Because she laughs when I say “Do you think I was born yesterday?”
92. Because she laughs when I say “My butt looks big in these jeans!”
93. Because she always grabs my butt and says it’s her favorite hand warmer in the world when I say “My butt looks big in these jeans!”
94. Because she laughs at my stupid jokes
95. Because she wore a hoop skirt that one time because I told her I thought they were very attractive on women – we both agreed it wasn’t her best look and burned the thing
96. Because she let me burn the afore mentioned hoop skirt
97. Because when the power goes out she lets me take her to our room and sing on her ear while we dance
98. Because when the power goes out she lets me make love to her by candlelight – even if it’s the middle of the day
99. Because she is the strongest woman I have ever met
100. Because she is Alice
Monday, February 15, 2010
10 Things I Hate About Jasper Whitlock
That’s right I’m writing about me now! If I want to refer to myself in the third person to make hating myself more convenient I will.
1. Jasper is a fuck up!
2. Jasper is entirely inhumane!
3. Jasper killed so many fucking people, it ain’t even funny anymore!
4. Jasper continually does stupid things that end up hurting Alice!
5. Jasper acts like a fucking newborn whenever people are around and Alice is not!
6. Jasper is nowhere near the man Alice deserves – no matter what she says… everyday… several times a day!
7. Jasper is a coward that uses Alice’s physical absence from a situation as an excuse for why he fucked up… AGAIN!
8. Jasper went off and scared the shit out of his Mama when he wasn’t even old enough to fight yet by running off all half cocked and fighting against those damn Yankees!
9. Jasper seems to have no way of controlling himself – no matter how hard he tries he still fucks up!
10. Because it took me 100 years to walk away.
1. Jasper is a fuck up!
2. Jasper is entirely inhumane!
3. Jasper killed so many fucking people, it ain’t even funny anymore!
4. Jasper continually does stupid things that end up hurting Alice!
5. Jasper acts like a fucking newborn whenever people are around and Alice is not!
6. Jasper is nowhere near the man Alice deserves – no matter what she says… everyday… several times a day!
7. Jasper is a coward that uses Alice’s physical absence from a situation as an excuse for why he fucked up… AGAIN!
8. Jasper went off and scared the shit out of his Mama when he wasn’t even old enough to fight yet by running off all half cocked and fighting against those damn Yankees!
9. Jasper seems to have no way of controlling himself – no matter how hard he tries he still fucks up!
10. Because it took me 100 years to walk away.
10 Thinks I Hate About Edward
1. His damn ability to always know when I’m thinking about Alice – and he always gets that shit eating grin on his face
2. His damn ability to know when I’m beating myself up – and he doesn’t fucking understand why sometimes I just have to
3. The way all the girls in every room he walks into seem to radiate lust in 0.00000001 seconds
4. Because he is “listening” to this right now – and there is the shit eating grin again
5. Because he makes the most hideous noises when he yanks it off – take that Edward!
6. Because it is so easy to make him try to block your thoughts - so why the hell doesn’t he do that to begin with?
7. Because he IS good at everything – what the fuck is up with that?
8. Because I don’t get why his emotions go to panic mode anytime someone says he needs a girl!
9. Because he really does hate himself as much as I do
10. Because he freaks out about EVERYTHING!
2. His damn ability to know when I’m beating myself up – and he doesn’t fucking understand why sometimes I just have to
3. The way all the girls in every room he walks into seem to radiate lust in 0.00000001 seconds
4. Because he is “listening” to this right now – and there is the shit eating grin again
5. Because he makes the most hideous noises when he yanks it off – take that Edward!
6. Because it is so easy to make him try to block your thoughts - so why the hell doesn’t he do that to begin with?
7. Because he IS good at everything – what the fuck is up with that?
8. Because I don’t get why his emotions go to panic mode anytime someone says he needs a girl!
9. Because he really does hate himself as much as I do
10. Because he freaks out about EVERYTHING!
10 Things I Hate About Emmett
1. He's really stupid... on purpose
2. He's annoying
3. I know what he's hiding behind all that laughter and I can't tell anyone
4. He could kill me by sitting on me... really hard
5. He is WAY too open about his relationship with Rosalie
6. He doesn't know the meaning of “over-share”
7. He is almost constantly horney – in fact he has two emotions 1) Horney 2) Not as Horney
8. He's a meat head – probably because he's alway thinks with his dick
9. He has some of the dumbest ideas
10. He yanks off EVERY time Rosalie leaves the house for more than 5 hours
2. He's annoying
3. I know what he's hiding behind all that laughter and I can't tell anyone
4. He could kill me by sitting on me... really hard
5. He is WAY too open about his relationship with Rosalie
6. He doesn't know the meaning of “over-share”
7. He is almost constantly horney – in fact he has two emotions 1) Horney 2) Not as Horney
8. He's a meat head – probably because he's alway thinks with his dick
9. He has some of the dumbest ideas
10. He yanks off EVERY time Rosalie leaves the house for more than 5 hours
Why I Love Shit Kickers
A/N – I don't own Jasper, Stephanie Meyer does – Although I did e-mail her and ask if I could spend an afternoon with him in his shit kickers. (Still haven't heard back)
Oh! This is a little Manifesto - if you will - that Jasper wrote when he was board one day.
Why I Love Shit Kickers
1. Because they are comfortable
2. Because they are functional
3. Because I love saying “Shit kickers”
4. Because they make my chicken legs look bigger, at least at the bottom, under my jeans
5. Because they look great with wranglers – and Alice loves me in wranglers
6. Because I was wearing some when I met Alice
7. Because Alice likes when I wear them
8. Because Alice especially likes when I wear them in conjunction with calling her “Darlin”
9. Because Alice says it gives her an excuse to call me “Cowboy” and I love the look on her face when she says that.
10. Because people don't fuck with a man in shit kickers!
11. Because it reminds me – a little – of my human life
12. Because my Daddy gave me my first pair when I was eleven
13. Because my Mama always said a real man wears shit kickers
14. Because it drives Alice wild when I wear tight wranglers commando – and what goes better with that then shit kickers?
15. Because although Alice is the only woman for me – and is quite enough woman for any man – I am STILL a MAN and it drives MOST women I've ever met wild when I wear tight wranglers and shit kickers.
16. Because Alice says it’s hot when I wear nothing but my boxers and shit kickers.
17. Because Alice says it’s hot when I wear nothing but my shit kickers
18. Because nothing is more comfortable than an old worn pair of shit kickers
19. Because recent science has said there is nothing better for your feet than shit kickers – and humans worry about that kind of thing.
20. BECAUSE NOBODY FUCKS WITH A VAMPIRE IN SHIT KICKERS!
Oh! This is a little Manifesto - if you will - that Jasper wrote when he was board one day.
Why I Love Shit Kickers
1. Because they are comfortable
2. Because they are functional
3. Because I love saying “Shit kickers”
4. Because they make my chicken legs look bigger, at least at the bottom, under my jeans
5. Because they look great with wranglers – and Alice loves me in wranglers
6. Because I was wearing some when I met Alice
7. Because Alice likes when I wear them
8. Because Alice especially likes when I wear them in conjunction with calling her “Darlin”
9. Because Alice says it gives her an excuse to call me “Cowboy” and I love the look on her face when she says that.
10. Because people don't fuck with a man in shit kickers!
11. Because it reminds me – a little – of my human life
12. Because my Daddy gave me my first pair when I was eleven
13. Because my Mama always said a real man wears shit kickers
14. Because it drives Alice wild when I wear tight wranglers commando – and what goes better with that then shit kickers?
15. Because although Alice is the only woman for me – and is quite enough woman for any man – I am STILL a MAN and it drives MOST women I've ever met wild when I wear tight wranglers and shit kickers.
16. Because Alice says it’s hot when I wear nothing but my boxers and shit kickers.
17. Because Alice says it’s hot when I wear nothing but my shit kickers
18. Because nothing is more comfortable than an old worn pair of shit kickers
19. Because recent science has said there is nothing better for your feet than shit kickers – and humans worry about that kind of thing.
20. BECAUSE NOBODY FUCKS WITH A VAMPIRE IN SHIT KICKERS!
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